Heo's can't love commie bastards
by cloudylondon
Summary: Alfred happens to hate a certain Russian. So much that he decided to make a file called "Why Ivan sucks balls and i the Hero rules but when Alfred keeps typing he accidently starts a another file called called "How Ivan rocks my world!"


11/04/2011 08:20:00

Disclaimer:

The characters do not belong to me. They originally belong to Hidekaz Himaruya

Hero's can't love commie bastards!

"Ugh why do I love that freaking commie so damn much?" Alfred shouted to himself in his room. "He's a freaking commie for fuck's sack and a Russian one to make it worse. A hero can't fall in love with a friggeng dick of a villain. No this isn't love, it's pity. Yay, that's what it is, I mean why else would I carry him to the nurse when I beat the crap out of him." Alfred grinned when he thought of this but his shoulder slumped. "Then why did I kiss him while he was asleep in the nurse's office. No, no, no there's no way I did that out of love." Shaking his head furiously. "I bet you I can write a freaking list of why he sucks so much! That's it, I'll type a list of thing's that makes him such a dick!" Alfred grabbing his laptop with a giant red S on the cover, opened Word document and immediately started typing,

Why Ivan suck's balls and I the Hero rules!

He a dick that's for one.

He always act like the nice happy kind of guy but really deep down he this evil commie just waiting to get the chance when he has enough power to have complete control over YOU and of the WHOLE WORLD! Double face bastard.

He always has a smile on his face and not a good more like the Joker from Batman has. Without the makeup but still as creepy.

When he's extremely pissed he makes this weird "KOL, KOL, KOL." sound and anyone who hears it will scared as hell. Oh which lead's to 5!

He fucking scary. He's always trying to make friends and I mean everyone. And if you don't agree to be his friend then he'll start using this creepy dark look on you and if he really wants you than he starts threaten on how he'll beat the crap out of you. But I coarse by then I'll be there to rescue the helpless victim from the commie.

But of coarse Ivan being the dick he is, will bring a pipe into the battle between us. God knows how he suddenly has a pipe is beyond me.

Of coarse I have a weapon of my own, which is my awesome New York Yankees batting bat. Then like in any good classic comic book, we have this major battle between HERO AND THE STUPID VILLAN! Ivan eventually gives up and which comes to show how HERO'S ALWAYS WIN. (AKA I always manage to fit my bat in my bag ever since I first opposed to be friends with him, which lead to our first fight. I was almost going to die when Ivan was going to put the final blow on me with his pipe but the Hero (me) kicked him in the stomach right before he was bringing his pipe on my head. Giving me a second to retreat as quickly as possible. SHUT UP! I know what your thinking but I dare you try to fight back when you have a broken arm, a sprained ankle, a black eye and your head hurting as thought you were hit by a truck. Oh which also leads to another thing that makes Ivan just plain suck! )

He gave me punch on the right eye, which swelled into a major black eye. Broke my arm and hit my head with his friggen pipe. (Fucking son of a bitch.) When he hit me on the head, he hit with so much strength that I landed on my ankle at a weird angle. Luckily it took me a week or 2 till it became fully healed. Who say's hamburgers, potatoes chips and soda won't help heal your wounds!

"Phew, that felt good to type and now the whole world will also know the truth of Ivan, when I post this into my facebook and myspace. And taking Ivan's picture's and turn it into something that came out of a horror movie."

Alfred stared at his computer, pleased with his work but at the same time he felt like something was missing. Without even knowing it, he opened a new Window Page and started typing.

How Ivan rocks my world!

"Wah what am I doing I didn't mean to type this, I know maybe I was hit by one Arthur's curses making me think that Ivan is slightly awesome." Ha-ha, Arthur your stupid curses won't work on me! Ha ha." Looking back at the scene with annoyed look. "Well maybe I can type one or two thing's that are falsely nice about Ivan.

's tall and he's not bad at sports. If you must know he's even doing football. He's not bad but he's so much better at soccer and if you ever see him practice you have to definitely watch him because he does all this cool awesome soccer tricks never screwing up once. Then the best part is he usually takes off his practice shirt which reveals this amazing sight of a tight muscle skinny tummy with drips of sweat sliding on top of it making you stare at him forever.

Alfred stopped thinking when he first saw Ivan practice soccer in secret making him have a waterfall of drool and some blood were coming out of his nostril.

He likes wearing loose stylish clothing always with a scarf making him look fat but really it hides his sexy slim muscle figure. Which is sad but it comes to show that he doesn't brag about his figure like most people I know who would! (Cough Arthur cough)

he isn't paying attention, especially in American history class (typically) and off into his own world. You can look at his eye's, which are this awesome purple iris's and wonder how he got those gorgeous eyes.

his hair is silver that look's so soft and gorgeous especially when he's outside on the school front yard and the sun ray's are bouncing of his head maybe his hair glowing.

love's his sister's dearly. His always watching over his oldest sis (who has the major big package and I mean Big!) Making sure no one causing her harm. He's even watching over her when she's dating Matthew. Matthew, I mean for god's sake he won't even hurt a fly and I doubt he has any intention of hurting her. Bedside's he blushes madly when he gets a kiss on the check by her. Don't even ask me how they started dating because I still don't believe my brother scored with Ivan's sis. Then there's his little sister who's this major creep. I mean she's in love with Ivan and she always trying to convince Ivan to marry her. While Ivan does nothing about it except say's he love's her as sister and not as lover. She ignores what he say's and start's chasing him around like a bloodhound after a fox! The dude actually has to hide away from his own SISTER! Tsk typically of her! She really just should give up on him I mean there's now way he would love him! (Ah speaking for Ivan's part mind you!)

's a major smarty-pants; I mean he can do the hardest math problems in the world less than in 10 sec. with the correct answers. Sometimes he even helps me with math although he always makes fun of me how dumb I am. BASTARD!

's being a smarty-pants in math, he actually loves Space! I never meet anyone who knew so much of space besides me. When we're not fighting we can talk all there is to space which is awesome! Then if we're deep in conversation we start talking about sports, classes, thing's we like, dislike and ECT.

's one of the few guys' where I can beat the crap out of without getting a bitch speech about it. Of coarse he's not afraid to return the favor. Hey whatever, gives me more the reason to beat him up some more.

may have a big nose but God Damn he just makes that nose look so sexy. Along with everything else.

a sexy Russian accent. Not to heavy but rolls his r's real hard.

11. Funny and cute how much he loves sunflowers. ;)

12. BESTEST PART OF HIM OF ALL IS WHEN HE'S ACTUALLY SMILING AND LAUGHING FOR REAL! Yes that dick can actually smile and laugh. That's usually either when he's around his sister's or …..

Alfred hesitated before he typed it

when he's around me!

Making Alfred blushed as tomato, putting a pillow on his face and screaming into. "I really do have a crush on that commie bastard don't I!"

Before he slammed his laptop, he deleted the Russian Dick file but he did save How Ivan Rock's file. Right before he was about to fall asleep he had the flashback when he kissed Ivan making embarrassed and happy all through the night.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++Well I hope you enjoyed the story. I tried my best to make it as good as possible!


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